Today has been a rough day with Lily. She has had a hard time expressing her needs and desires. She got very upset. It wasn't a tantrum for tantrums sake. I just don't know what to say or do when she gets so upset. Her vocab is very near 200 words, but I wonder if she is having a hard time putting those words into thoughts.
I asked mom if I was every like this. I was pretty strong-willed as a teenager, but she said "It's been awhile since she has seen one as spirited as Lily." God gave me my firecracker for a reason. I just wish I knew better how to shape and mold it. I have read a couple books: Shepherding a Child's Heart and The Happiest Toddler on the block. They are both diametrically opposite in their views on raising children. We are trying to put into practice the idea of shaping Lily's heart instead of her behavior (1st book), because we want her to obey out of desire to please God instead of out of fear or "just because I SAID SO."
I have always had a hard time when people tell me "because that's the rule." I can see this in her as well. I want her to see that there are reasons behind God's laws and our rules (safety, peace, etc.). I know there are times when I can't won't be able to have this discourse (her running towards the street). I don't believe that God is a hard God that wants us to do what he says without questioning. He desires us to ask and investigate and know him. Knowing him and his heart will bring us into an understanding of "why" some things are the way they are.
I know spanking is a hot topic. Many people feel strongly about both sides. I have talked with Steve about this. We have yet to spank her and probably won't. Her emotions seem to get even more out-of-control when a hand gets smacked. We have been under the official umbrella of our adoption agency until our 1 year anniversary of having Lily. During that time we were not allowed to use any type of corporal punishment anyway. There are underlying issues with abandonment and her life in an orphanage that can surface as well.
The one thing that I didn't like about the shepherding book is that it doesn't give much in the way of practical ways to handle situations. The other book gave some suggestions, but it's based on the idea of us evolving from Neanderthals which I had a hard time swallowing.
Signing off for now. I sure wish I had more answers! Notice I didn't say ALL.
Plans, perspective, and a bunch of dead plants
6 years ago
3 comments:
Hi Jen ! Marianne writting here (mum to Ninon, one of the Xu cousins of Lily). Happy to have discovered your blog. And also to say I have also experienced tough moments with Ninon when she was 2 1/2 to 3 years old. Our girls are strong tempered... Kindest regards. Marianne (cousinesdexuwen.blogspot.com)
Hi Jen
Im staci, Mom to Emilee Madison jin Xiu. Adopted from Xuwen on March 29, 2006. I am so happy to discover your blog. Your daughter is beautiful. Emilee is also strong willed and I know many Xuwen families personally and I have to say most of the kids are feisty, strong willed, and strong tempered. That said, they are also loving, smart, energetic, independent ( That will be good later on)and determined. With love and guidence I really see these girls blossoming into amazing adults. Emilee went through tough moments when she turned 2 but as she is getting older she is starting to calm down. I also thinkthe fact that she can voice her opinion more easily really helped. The more their verbal skills develop the more they will be able to express their wants and desires and oh yes their dislikes and demands. But you will also be able to reason with her a lot better. I was told that most CEOs of corporations were strong willed children. Theres something to keep in your mind when a tantrum comes
Regards
Staci
Jen,
There is a practical book that follows Shepherding a Child's Heart...it is written by Ginger Plowman and it is called "Don't Make Me Count to Three." She also has a calendar type chart that we LOVE and USE DAILY that is very practical...showing Bible verses next to certain behaviors to use the Word in teaching our children and helping them probe their own hearts. We have 3 strong willed boys as you know. Our oldest boy is 7 and and we have been using the Shepherding a Child's Heart book teaching (which is just biblical teaching) with him and I have to tell you...we went thru a couple of really super hard years with him. He was very rebellious and disobedient. But we are reaping our rewards of staying diligent in disciplining them in the loving way God ordained. His heart is softening so much to the gospel and His love for God and us is growing more every day. We are so pleased to see him loving us and obeying because of his love for us and not because he just wants to stay out of trouble till mom leaves the room. The whole point of disciplining the way the Shepherding book says is so that the spankings become LESS...and they do! So be encouraged...you are right on track with wanting Lily to have a heart of righteousness and not the heart of a pharisee.
Kim
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